Bloggity Blog Blog Fuckin’ Bloggity Blog

The-Road-to-Impossible-620x465As writers, ideas should  come to us; just pop into our oversized heads. They should be all we think about, right?

WRONG! Very. Fucking. Wrong.

Granted, my last writing blog was about where ideas do come from for writers. That is not to say that this blog will be for writerly tips only. The blog is titled ScatteredNotes for a reason. There’s even a category called JUST FOR THE FUCK OF IT. This post would, nay, WILL fall into said category.

So, what on Earth to blog about today? Hmmm? The blog road is long and desolate.

Shall it be a love for coffee? A desire to have super powers? A wish to find that elusive Golden Unicorn, the one that escapes my every stalking? Maybe my unique and quick way to cook eggs? How about my recent Thanksgiving?

Coffee – not now. Maybe some other day. Yes, definitely another day. Coffee, I will not desert you.

Super powers – how about in a few weeks? I will answer this question for you and the answer is great and thanks. You’re welcome. *bows head in humility*

Golden Unicorn – who doesn’t want to read about a highly resourceful and intelligently intuitive unicorn that vanishes upon sight? That was rhetorical. Again, you’re welcome. Jeez, what would ya do without me? (Yes, rhetorical.)

Eggs – fuck it. It’ll come later.

My Thanksgiving – holidays DO suck donkey dick, so there’s that…

Holy balls! I’ve got it! A blog post about, well, blogging ideas. Call it a quick guide. And, by quick guide I mean that I will fill-in the blanks after we are done here. Again, you’re welcome.

~ most ____________ thing you’ve ever written.

~ most ____________ thing you’ve ever done.

~ sometimes (I, we, you) need a break from ____________.

~ reasons The Twitter has ____________ me.

~ reasons why I ____________ Facebook.

~ mistakes I made while ____________ -ing.

~ surprising places to find your next ____________.

~ things most people don’t know ____________.

~ how to use ____________ in every sentence.

~ how to ____________ the best book ever.

Your, mine, ahhh, OUR answers:

1. creative, interesting, boring, dreadful – face it, if it wasn’t creative or interesting, it was just complete shit. That’s code for dreadful and boring.

2. exciting, scary, deadliest, exhilarating – one answer has it all: swimming with sharks. Fuck that, backup a second: swimming with Great White sharks. That’s piss-in-your-wetsuit-all-of-the-above.

3. writing, blogging, being crazy, people – because breaks are a nice change of pace and people are really super annoying. DUH.

4. changed, helped, guided, fucked – social media can be engaging, but it can be a miserable fascination that leads down a dark, dank alleyway of misery. It all really leads to drinking.

5. hate, loathe, despise, adore – let’s face it: Facebook is there to be hated for it’s Like. I hereby formally request a I TOTALLY FUCKING HATE button. Mark, are you reading this?

6.  showering, talking, masturbating, eating – I dunno, all those could be life-altering in a huge way. Don’t drop the soap in prison. Don’t suffer from foot-in-mouth syndrome. I’m not gonna touch (pun intended) the third one. And, slow the fuck down when you eat fro chrissakes.

7. idea, lover, tricycle, pen – ideas are all over, find them. Lovers, ditto. You’ll probably have to steal some little kids trike, so be quick about it. Find yourself a nice pen at any restaurant when paying the bill. Make that shit yours.

8. shit, religion, writing, dogs – shit is just the obvious and universal answer here, so we’ll just go with it as THE ANSWER.

9. the word fuck, hornswoggle, new words, correct grammar – simple, its uses are unlimited: transitive and intransitive verb, adverb, adjective, or noun, so interject it everywhere. Hornswoggle only fits in certain spots where cheat, rip-off, swindle, fraud, or even short-change work. Read and use a dictionary for those pesky new words. And, yes, correct grammar is beneficial ALWAYS.

10. write, read, buy, burn – grab a pen, paper, laptop, desktop and commence writing. Pick-up that little bastard, open it, flip pages, but read those pages. Walk into store or surf other sites besides porn and buy books, many many books. Toss poorly written books into fire and clap.

What are your blog ideas? Reply to this post or catch me on twitter @ChrisWinterberg and drop me a note.

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