How To Be A Flasher. I Mean How To Write Flash Fiction. Yeah, That.

FlashFiction-2You: Wait, I don’t even know what Flash Fiction is or how to write it.

Me: Are you asking or telling me?

You: Uh—

Me: Oh, telling me. Awesome!

Here’s a quick tip on flashing: Wear next to nothing…

Oh damn! That’s right, flash FICTION. Okay, got it.

This is where it’s good to think small, very small. Have a flashpoint beginning, middle, and extremely short ending. If you fuck this up, it defeats the purpose of flash and you have failed miserably. People WILL point this out while laughing at you and talking about you behind your hairy back.

Twist that fucker like a Bavarian pretzel.

Here’s Five Steps To Writing Flash Fiction.

1. Size Does Matter.

Yeah-yeah, she said it didn’t, but IT does. Size ALWAYS matters.

Uh, I’m talking about word count. What the hell were you thinking?

Oh, really? Okay. I knida like your style.

Anywho!

Flash fiction is short; don’t blow it by making it longer. Keep it between 300 to under 1000 words. I’ve read some great stories at around 400 words.

2. Be Wordman. 

Plot matters. Words matter more.

I already know your question because, omniscient and I’m doing the writing here, duh. Back to your question: “Chris, how am I supposed to create a plot in so few words?”

Easy.

Use sensory details.

Flash Fiction doesn’t (insert here: DOES NOT) allow the writer to develop a plot over an extended period of time.

You’re Van Gough. It’s your masterpiece.

Paint a picture with your words. Use powerful images. Be dramatic. Be so intense your keyboard sizzles. Create the image without saying it.

Choose action-bearing verbs. Those will carry the piece along faster and allow the reader to see through the character’s eyes; hear through their ears; feel through their touch. Incorporate the character’s images into action.

3. Mince. Slice. Dice.

Don’t get wordy. No one likes it when you’re wordy. STOP IT.

When you get wordy, people die. Always.

Sure, you could get bloated and describe the night as the darkness of night was like a black marble rolling through the city. Or, you could make it simple while being descriptive by stating the ink of the night…

There is zero-fuckery in writing flash fiction. No one likes a wordy mo’fuckaaaaa.

4. Don’t Strangle Shit.

Relax your sausage fingers.

Be concise. Don’t throttle your plot or characters.  In fact, stick to one or two characters. This isn’t a manage a trois or orgy.

*mind runs adrift with sexual nonsense*

Hold back from scene. Your story is not about scene. No one gives five craps about your goddamn scene. You shouldn’t either.

Concentrate on a single or series of moments.

5. Niblets Are Good. Like Them.

*crowd chants, “we want niblets.  we want niblets.*

*throws those little gobs of goodness to crowd.*

*crowd goes wild.*

*naps ‘cause niblets are heavy.*

Powerful writing can get a point across in few words. Serve the image with small bites

Don’t stop to describe. No one cares about your descriptions. People will not like your podunk fuckwit writing style if you slaughter flash fiction with useless descriptions.

Keep the story moving by using vivid images. This will enlarge the action.

The end.

Except, don’t actually add the words The End unless you’re a complete tool and happen to be writing in a different century or era. Adding The End shows you’re wibbly. Super fuckin’ wibbly. It will also get you a slow-mo karate-kick to your stupid face.

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