Here’s An IDea: Get Your Own Fucking Website

spammerDear monkey-ass-minded-nobody-blog-spammers who think that sending a comment to any website will automatically promote your pilfering make-believe business link:

Hi. How are you?

Don’t bother answering because no one cares. I don’t. Others don’t. Your own parents don’t. No. One. Does. Ever. You’re not liked. Loathed in fact. Wished dead, for real.

Please, kindly, find the nearest large expanse in your area, remove your shoes, say a prayer if that’s your thing, close your black-soulless eyes, and walk until the air tickles your toes and the flats of your feet feel the gushing of infinity. Spread your arms wide as you descend aimlessly into the endless abyss of hell. Or a concrete road. Or a watery passage that allows you to drown while struggling mightily.

In short, find that big fucking bridge and jump.

Take your bullshit AOL and Outlook email addresses with you. Swallow all those penis enlargement pills you push with a swig of your magic elixir. Put all of your “Make more money now” websites in a black duffel bag, along with your useless head and leave.

Yes, leave this planet.

You’re the shit stain of life. In white underwear!

We will all be much better off without your bothersome annoyance of existence. Your praise of self-promotional crapola is unwanted.

Nice try on the blog and guestbook spam. but all those “comments” need MY superior approval. It’s like I’m the King in my very own fiefdom. You’re not even allowed in the King’s woods.

Enter and ye shall be gifted a red hot fiery poker in thine anus until thou are engulfed in flames of deviance and unholiness.

Alas, I should apologize.

A little anyway. I hate this part.

Think of it as the “It’s not you, it’s me” syndrome. Without your carpet-begging, soul-sucking pithiness, where would I get my dick enlargers and Viagra-tron on the cheap? How would I know that I am related to the long lost Crown Prince of Tripistania? I think his name is Prince LaMichael Ordorvian James III. Not sure, I have to check my recent family tree update.

InternetStillHasSpamUntil I can confirm the Princely relation, here’s a short list of fuck-you-and-die to the blog spam trolls of my site: (DO NOT CLICK ON ANY OF THE LINKS BELOW. NONE. I don’t care how much money you would like to make, do not do it.)

Jenny – seriously babe, this is like the fifteenth time for you. I think McDonald’s is hiring. If not, there’s always Wal-Mart. And, Jenny? That’s too normal a name for someone like you.

gmbal.com/259o x

gxhpxfoexck@gmail.com

 

Millionaires Club – just a note to ANYONE AT MILLIONAORES CLUB: who the hell uses AOL? Seriously fellas, even Gmail shows more class. Maybe even MSN. Holy cow shit! Get with the 20-teens.

FastCashMillionaires.com x

bohonik@artlover.com

Millionaires Club

FastCashMillionaires.com x

illiamston@aol.com

Millionaires Club

FastCashMillionaires.com x

olberry@aol.com

 

seovps – c’mon man, you gotta put your name in here. Not just letters. I’ll never ever  come close to clicking on your money-grabbing link and entering my social security number and all my credit card numbers with that name.

goo.gl/adtXB6 x

zbusebxwj@gmail.com

 

You all tried and i cannot knock that. You did, however, FAIL because you suck donkey dick.

Sincerely,

Mr. I-Hate-All-Blog-Spammers 🙂

Tagged with: ,
One comment on “Here’s An IDea: Get Your Own Fucking Website
  1. Kathy says:

    Chris, very funny article. Enjoyed your wit and expletives 100%. Found this page googling a spammers address and to my pleasant surprise came across your rant:) That said, wanna increase traffic to your blog? Just kidding.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*