Here’s Some Interesting, Maybe Scary, Shit I’ve Asked Google This Week

12251624-a-magnifying-glass-is-searching-the-internetThe top 10 things I’ve Googled this week. Because, I use to Yahoo!…uh, I got nothin’. And, well, it’s just way more cooler than Binging it. Or anything. Ever. Don’t Bing. It’s annoying. Always.

Okay, how about we all sit in a circle, legs crossed, and have a chat. C’mon.

*pats ground beside him*

Get in here. This is serious.

Ready?

*looks at each and every person present*

WRITERS SEARCH SOME WEIRD SHIT. REALLY REALLY REALLY WEIRD SHIT. SCARY SHIT, IN FACT. REALLY SCARY.

*pounds drums mercilessly because doesn’t know the first thing about a drum roll. or drums.*

10. Known Unicorn Sightings
Because everyone should have a dream and, because North Korea says, “This video [about a unicorn sighting] is totally actually super real.” Those crazy North Koreans are always up to something

9. Ten Words You Should Cut From Your Writing
I wanted to see just how many times this was blogged about in the past three days, and, who in fact stole it from who. And, if those hacks blog about anything remotely interesting. #getfuckingcreativepeeps

8. Shit People Carry In Their Pockets
Let’s be honest, if it was actual shit…well, that’d just be really fucking weird. And stinky. It’d be very stinky.

7. Analyzing A Crime Scene
Hey, ya never know. And, just in case the cops do find me.

6. Street Names For Cocaine And Crack
I was looking for a friend of a friend who’s actually an acquaintance of a guy I know, you know, just because.

5. Drugs Used In Lethal Injection
Let’s just say that you probably won’t want to have a mixed drink at my house.

4. Death Makeup
I really have no idea.

3. Characteristics Of A Cockroach
I think it’s a good thing to know even if you’re not writing about it or if it’s not a main character in your story.

2. Nomophobia
By the way, has anyone seen my cell phone?

*tears off couch cushions. goes all hulk and flips couch. suspiciously looks at dogs*

*aforementioned obnoxious drum “roll” continues. dogs barking creates unusual noise. crescendo. build up. climax. fade.*

Neighbor yells, “For the love of all things able to hear, STOP!”

And, the number one thing I’ve Googled this week as voted on by my comprehensive staff of one…

1. Can Alka Seltzer Kill Pigeons
Myth? Sadly, I found the answer to be a conclusive, “Yes.” Apparently the gas from Alka Seltzer is easily released. DAMMIT!

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One comment on “Here’s Some Interesting, Maybe Scary, Shit I’ve Asked Google This Week
  1. jeff says:

    top ten list comments: check out a writer named dale rappaneau for an entertaining flash fiction piece on a unicorn sighting. cut from your writing words such as “cut” (imprecise), “from” (overused preposition), “words” (wordy), “writing” (narcissistic) and “your” (second person – visibility issue). i hope crack cocaine is still a common pocket item; otherwise i’m switching to crystal meth for good. analyzing a crime scene requires a personality type similar to that who would criminalize an anal scene. we covered crack cocaine back in the eighties; how about a new name for X? you should make ‘lethal injection’ your signature drink; ”I’ll have a lethal injection, shaken not stirred.” courtney love, right (death makeup)? cockroaches are brown, and if you meet a cuban, ask him/her to talk about crushing cockroaches, and you’ll get to relive scarface all over again, warm & fuzzy violent images. brilliant definition of nomophobia – no comment. pigeons are just the first step for alka seltzer, right; please tell me polar bears are next – i’m sick of them.

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