Shatter Writer’s Block

Hmmm. What should I write? Should I write? What if nothing comes to… Nope, nothing’s coming to me. Shit. Fuck. Write you idiot. Write something. Anything. Ah-ha. Gulurglypop! Yeah, not that. It’s not even a word. Ahhhhhhh!

We’ve all been there. The words don’t come from our mind to our fingers so we stare aimlessly at a white page in front of us, cursing, hating, and making up excuses. It doesn’t get whiter. It doesn’t get filled with those black little letters we love so much. No words. Nothing. We think we’ve entered Suckdom. Let’s explore five ways to break through writer’s block. It’s okay, come with me. I’ll hold your hand.

1. I Don’t Know What To Write
Write some wacky shit! Period. If your well is dry, your muse has left, or your inspiration vanished – write anything – it’s far better than the nothingness that you haven’t written. Write something that you wouldn’t ordinarily write – a time traveling vampire who marries a zombie. If you write science fiction, grab a character, we’ll call him Lou, and make him romantic. If erotica is your thing and you just can’t conjure up another sex scene (not too sure why you can’t though, but hey, that’s just me!), write about a lady in a coffee shop. Point is, change it up. Get crazy. Reach beyond your comfort zone and explore your outer limits.

2. I’m Not In The Mood To Write
“I have a headache.” “My back hurts.” “My thing connected to the thing, you know, just below that thing, well, it hurts too AND it stopped working. Yeah, now what?” These are what people commonly call EXCUSES. Stop making them you loser. Writing isn’t a mood, it’s a process. We all have our own. Get yours back. Meditate. Do yoga. Take a walk. Eat. Have sex. Here the idea is to do whatever it is you gotta do to break your fucky funk and get things into your empty head to write.

3. The Words, Can’t Find ‘Em
Those damn words, hide as they may, we need to find ‘em. Read a book outside of your niche. Peruse the newspaper. Watch a movie. Make shit up – fuckity fuckfly fuckster. Play with words and see where it takes you. You may just be surprised at the realms that you enter. Those three words are mine. Do not use them. I might get stabby.

4. Distractions Keep Finding Me
Write somewhere else. Duh! The kids. The dog. The spouse. That dude sitting in the booth, picking his nose, across the room. The ex…what? Why’s she still here? Be gone with her! Turn off the time-sucks of social media. Block off some writing time by creating you-space. Others need to know that your writing time is when you’re doing your work. That’s my word too, the italicized one. Watch out, I’m what you’d call, uh, crazy.

5. Take Prozac
Dude, seriously. Maybe you’re depressed. Look, I don’t know you, but as a friend, take something if you are, you know, depressed. Odd as it sounds, even a mild case of depression can sap us of our amazingness. See a therapist, talk to a friend, get electroshock therapy. Do something positive to get back to your creative self.

Remember, writing isn’t about picking the right words. Hell, sometimes those never come anyway. Writing is emotion.

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