Humans are a funny species. We strive for success. We want to be liked.
When we go out…we wished we’d stayed home. When we stay home…we wished we’d gone out. When we’re around people…we want to be alone. When we’re alone…we want to be around other people.
We’re insolent and misanthropic in regards to, well, other humans.
We act all happy-go-lucky when in reality we’re not happy. Not lucky. And we don’t go.
Or, this describes the isolated writer person.
What’s that got to do with writing groups?
Everything. DUH!
There’s a few reason why newbie writers don’t attend a writer’s group. Here’s five of them just for you.
What’s that?
You want some reasons to join a writing group?
Goddamn you’re picky.
But, okay.
I’ll give you five of those right after the reasons peeps don’t go.
Hang in there inkslinger. Hang. In. There.
1. You’re Afraid That You’ll Be Part Of A Druid Sacrifice
No?
Hmmm.
You’ve never been to a group, but you fear people. Or writing. Or people who do indeed write words into sentences. Maybe you’re afraid to read in public.
Whateves.
Get over that fear by going just once. Most groups don’t even want first-timers to bring anything for critique. The groups want those people to come and just take it in for their first visit.
Worry over.
2. You Think Your Writing Is So Bad It’ll Make Others Want To Bathe Their Brain In Turpentine
I’m here to tell you that’s cuckoo bananapants nonsense. Maybe anyway. I dunno.
You can’t possibly be able to tell if your writing is good or not. You have writer’s bias.
It’s a thing!
Anywho…
It’s just too difficult for the writer to critique his or her own words. We need others to tell us how it is or isn’t.
Maybe your writing is adverb-heavy or you use split infinitives or blah-blah-blah some other important English shit to look out for in your writing. Groups help with that too.
3. You Think Offering Critique is A Batshit Uncomfortable Horrid Experience
If you want to be a writer – of anything – you’ll need to be able to offer critique of inky-fingered writerly scribe people. It means giving your opinion. It’s a must. And, it’s inevitable that you’ll, at some point, be asked to critique another’s word sentence things.
4. You Don’t Know How To Give Critique
Going to a group helps with that process. JUST GO ALREADY.
5. You’re As Paranoid As That Guy On The Off-Ramp Talking To Himself
Word herders are a creative and suspicious bunch.
Don’t worry; no one wants your shitty ideas.
I digress. You’re ideas probably aren’t shitty. Or that shitty anyway. Maybe though.
Ink scribblers won’t steal your ideas. It’s not how the group process works. Those who attend have too much to do than take a few points about whatever blibber-blabber you’re attempting to write.
And now, drumroll please…
HEY, I’M WAITING.
Okay, we can’t do this if no one drumrolls. I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DRUMROLL.
For the love of…
Finally.
You’ve been patient. You’ve waited long enough. Here are your five reasons why your podunk fuckwit writing style WILL improve by attending a writer’s group.
1. You Need To Be Hit With An Anti-Procrastination Bat Upside The Head
A regular group meeting keeps your writing on pace. If it’s a novel you have hidden in your fingers, attending a group will keep the chapters flowing.
2. Your Words Ooze Out In Blood
You will soon understand that most writers are in the same boat.
Well, not physically because—humungous fuckin’ boat.
But all writers have struggles.
We fight with words and corral those little bastardzoids the best we can and wrangle them into sentences and whatever.
3. Learn The Good From The Bad From The Downright Ugly
Attending a writer’s group will help your own writing. You’ll hear pieces read where you’ll actually say inside your brainspace, “This is awful.”
And, you’ll realize that, just maybe, that’s the way you write too. That alone will make you want to be better.
4. Good Writing: It Isn’t. And It Is. And Then It Isn’t Again.
I had that one brief moment where I thought, “Fuck yeah, this is really good shit.” Then the next sentence came and it was like, “Fuck yeah, this IS shit.”
Writer’s groups help the writer with editing their own work. Constructive advice is given on structure, plot, style, pace, and other various writerness.
5. A Writer’s Group Will Reach Down Your Throat, Pull Out Your Confidence And Beat You With It
The writer cuts words from their guts with a dull serrated knife and slaps them on paper as the fresh blood drips from the corners.
A writer needs four things to be successful. One is confidence. Without it you’re just super fucked. All great organizers of letters have confidence in their work.
If your work is good, a writer’s group will confirm said goodness. If the content is crap, the writer’s group will critique so you can get better. True point.
Go forth and write!
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