Why Resolutions Are BULLSHIT; No Star Wars Spoilers (And Other Various Ramblings)

16085712032010112522Forgive my prattle. A preamble, if I may.

A resolution for a writer is a setup for failure and writers fail enough; therefore, FUCK THE RESOLUTION.

Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell, I just…yeah, actually I did mean to.

The mighty resolution is a future of sucking a boatload of failjuice through a bendy straw. Resolutions are not goals. True fact. G’head, check the Entire Internet Machine.

I don’t ask a lot of you…haha. Yes I do.

The resolution is like being in a room with a mosquito that you can’t see. You hear the little bastardazoid, but his cloak of invisibility works all too well against your swatting hands. Resolution, same damn thing. It’s there, but you can’t see it. You feel the force…of it (see what I did there?) but it remains invisible.

Where was I going with this? Probably nowhere.

Oh yeah, I shall be guilty of fomenting New Year’s resolution unrest.

Why, you ask.

Well, maybe not you, but someone asked.

Anyway, the resolution is a decision or determination to do something and a goal is the result toward which effort is directed. I computered that shit, so it’s true.

Why’s this even matter?

Because writers should have goals, not waste time making podunk fuckwit resolutions.

Alas, I shall list five lofty goals for the year of 2016 for writers and me. We shall reconvene in one year to speak of that which we have succeeded or failed. Because, goddamnit, there is success from failure.


Unlike LiveStrong, BostonStrong, and every other fuckin’ whatever or whomever strong, YOU need to have strong writing.


It’s okay, here’s a FEW hints, sunshine.

Plot: shit rarely goes according to plan in real life. It shouldn’t in your story either. Ratchet the intrigue and intensity of conflict. Make things happen.

Characters: if you have only one character, your story WILL suck. Just like the moons of Jupiter help the planet, support characters will make your MC stronger buy hindering, helping, making miserable, etc. Support characters need to be unique, have their own story, desires, and agenda. These are separate of the MC. Don’t fuck it up, sunshine.

Pace: strong writing means NO dullness. Your story doesn’t necessarily need to be a strict action-packed read at every word, but shit needs to happen. You want the reader to keep reading so don’t just tidy up chapter endings. Make things hang.

Depth: strong writing makes the reader think. Don’t be afraid to tackle and question themes. Maybe it’s societal norms, racism, or political bullshit or whatever.


Maybe it’s 500 words a day. Maybe 1000. Maybe 1500. See where I’m goin’ here? Make time to write. Whack out chunks of time. Power out the world around you and be the word ninja you are. Write every day.


Take the weekends off to recharge and retool. The brainspace needs rest and craniums crack under pressure…literally.

Remember, you don’t necessarily need to open your story and add chapters or hammer out paragraphs like a crazyant. Sometimes writing 500-1000 word notes for your story helps as much for setting things up as opening the document and adding word salad. So don’t discourage yourself if that story isn’t opened, just write.


No, not literal shit. At least not here anyway. Sorry, this is not scat or German porn.

*disappears for fifteen minutes*

Where was…oh yeah. German…


Yes, that’s it, finishing what you start.

*raises hand. blurts words*

Yes. Yes. Yes. I am guilty of not finishing all my work, but then again this is a GOAL for 2016 so back off.

It’s important to keep the upper hand in your writing and that helps in finishing started works. I mean, how many fucking WIP can we have anyway?

4. READ.

Sure, this blog is a start, but I mean really read.

Read good shit. Read bad shit. Read outside your genre bubble.

We learn from reading and as writers, we learn what does and doesn’t work. We learn from others. We generate thought which leads to ideas and ideas lead to stories and stories lead to success. WHAM!


This one goes without saying. Our harshest and most demanding critic is us. As writers, we can fall into self-loathing. We berate ourselves under our musty breath. STOP!

Here’s the deal: don’t be a dick to yourself. Focus on accomplishments, not on failures. Rather, learn from possible failures. Let’s face it, shall we, writing is hard fucking work – HFW, if you will – and even people who say, “I should write a book.” don’t.


Because writing is HFW!



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